Confession (dedicated to my mother)

I've been through relationships
but I've found the one
I just wanted to tell you
I'm in love
I know your're thinking
please be wise
Cuz mama I know
you've given birth to Pain
and you've married Time
and the last thing you wanna see
is a storm in your baby's eyes
I did not fall in love with a boy
I am in love with a man
that stands on two feet
and praises God with his hands
in my modesty he treats me like his hynesty
and his imperfections are perfect
just like Chris finding ways
to tell Shawntell
as a wife and a mother
she's always worth it
just like Thomas is proud
how strong Sally is able to life
two beautiful kids through natural birth
just how extravagant Keisha is
and in time she will find
that all of it will work
and Fernando, I'm sure has his own vices
took time out in his occupation
and tended to my car when it needed
restoration
this is a smiget of similes and metaphors
from my family that describe this man
I can be me I can do me
I yell out to the world
and in my dreams to the sand man
strong as an emperor
handy as a plumber
like a cat he lands on his feet
and bolts like thunder
sexy as the pecan praline
that I love to devour
and anything less than the truth
he makes perpetrators look like cowards
the romance is questionable
but he does have an ear to listen
is intrigued by my intelligence
and counts me as his mission
its crazy cuz
when I put two words together
that doesn't make sense
or when my explanation of my reasons
don't seem to fit
I think God made me this way
so that I could be with him
because he understands me in a way that
only God can explain
and I've never been able to write about this love
because this love I haven't obtain
There are four types of love in Greek
and mama your love I have always found
so before this man now
love was like a good movie with no sound
or a beautiful daughter no daddy around
or a fisherman going fishing and there are no fish
or the virtuous woman that society now calls bitch
mama I respect you, I'm sorry that I cursed
just expressing how that love before
appeared as a curse
because it was dressed in overalls and looked like work
but this man that I've found has given me purpose
I know you said
you don't need to no man to feel like you're worth it (change your voice) (pause)
but, this is the ultimate blessing
who is this man
taking my babies hand
is your ultimate question
and yes mama
he asked me to marry him
I haven't answered his question
I have to take it with caution
I don't want to be like Lucifer
and be the angel thats fallen
I wanna be like Jesus
stand firm even when tempted
because a marriage won't work
if the other party is slipping
to say I do to him
would be saying I do to God
and that can't be taken lightly
cuz to whom much is given (pause)
much is required
mama, imma be okay
our love will shelter each other
just stay by my side
and keep being my mother
I have a confession
This is my confession,
I am pregnant
and my child shall take the father's name
this is my decision, don't get serious
this isn't gender specific
as you view me, we are one in the same
wait mama!
there's more
hey hold up
don't go screaming out the door
this is only a metaphorically analogy I just poured
I apologize, I forgot to say
I can't describe his physical features
I can't minimize my man in a frame
I must have this baby
cuz POETRY is the father's name

On Bended Knees

I thought I was doing good
I hadn't cried in almost two months
mentally I kept beating myself
and beating myself until I went into shock
and the memory pains went num

my man keeps leaving me and leaving me
with short time to be with me
because he keeps piling unfinished business
on top of unfinished business
and time and money for him
is never enough

patient, precious time wasted
another man gaming
claiming to be my Hero but
he's in disguise, he's in disguise
because all he's doing
is playing off the pain that he sees
that the first man has left in my eyes

like Lois to Superman
I jumped in his arms
and took up the flight I admit
I decided to look down
I said I decided to look down
we weren't going no higher
than the first man did

I ran back to my Casanova
who caused me some of my heart breaks
most of allI knew I wanted to leave
I knew I wanted to leave
ride out on my 2007 white Impala
and wait for the man that God has for me

with every slightest effort of improvement
along with every promising kiss
I would close my eyelids and picture the
limits of the skies, unlimited skies
and know in my gut I'm still trapped by
an unloving love with another man in disguise


and I know u would ask
then why do u stay, why do u stay
with a man who treats u this way
the answer is not simple
neither am I a fool
u have once been in my shoes
and may have broken free
I need not the whys and judgment
but a friend that will help me
break through with
pray on bended knees

A Cracked Glass of Water

I am a cracked glass.
I've always been a cracked glass,
Was cracked when I was first designed.
They never thought to help recreate me to a new glass,
But constantly using up millions of things
To cover and seal my cracks.
One bump against a hard surface
And I'd CRACK some more!

In order to be a cracked glass full of water,
Water has to be much.
Filling me with small dabs of water
Will never be enough.
So I am a cracked glass.
Though to everyone, I present myself as a sparkling glass,
Seldom giving clues that water is seeping out.
A few know but many don't
And many will never understand.

I am not a clear glass.
You can't see right through me.
But I am made of many designs and colors.
Such art, the helpless, beautiful art that I am.
Hope is what keeps me off the brink of shattering,
In hopes that someday people will understand.
Faith is what keeps me dreaming the un-dreamable.
In faith through my savior I can do the undrinkable.

Without Him I'll alway be a glass that's always been cracked.
I pray that those who kept me cracked will be saved.
For I am thankful while in the world's kitchen cabinet
By Jesus Christ- I am full of living water.
I am spiritually remade.

Garden of Eden

Before Adam and Eve sinned, they saw the world one way. They were told not to eat of The Tree of Good and Evil or Knowledge. Plus, they had everything else. Once Satan began to tempt Eve, her curiosities grew about the Tree of Knowlegde. She began to think and feel that there was a greater power or revelation to grasp. The serpent knew that his mission was not to benefit them but for his own power to reign over the earth. After they took a bite of the fruit, quickly, levels of their innocence had fanished and areas of their mind had been involuntarily opened.

We have all had our own Tree of Knowledge that we weren't suppose to eat of. I don't know necesserily if I was Adam or Eve. Did I just take it or was it given to me? I was promised greater things but was told many times not to do it. Did I not listen because I was trying to do my own thing or was it because I had left all of that which encourage me to do otherwise?

No, it wasn't one bite but two, three, four..., either out of hunger, more out of routine. One time I was even forced to eat. I just threw it back up. It concerns me now. No longer can I look at a beautiful tree and my imagination involuntarily sees beyond my physical eye. Now all I see is just a tree and nothing else unless I force myself to.

Spiritual Blindness

My spirit foresees the chains and locks approaching.
There is no existence of a key.
She whispers with urgency
to turn and just run.
She pleas for me
to ignore my emotions and flea.

At the moment, my body paralyzes as I stand.
I become ignorant of my circumstance.
Instead of being brave,
my eyes blur from unsettling clouds
that turns to rain.
The wet droplets travel out of fear to pain
to kiss my lips.

Yet in still, knowing what to do,
I can not find the courage to leave.
I am warned a great fate in coming.
My eyes can not see what my spirit sees.

Playground (1 John 3:7) (Psalms 118:8)

granny always told me to beware of strangers
mommy told me to fight back
when bullies wanted to take my place
but recess conquered all my childish fears
and sparkled a radiance upon my face
eager as a child going outside to play
i played in the playground of this man's mind
i rolled around the warm sand of his arms
swung higher and higher on the swing of his words
i slid down the slide of his body
i quickly and strongly climbed the monkey bars of hope
careless and free this playground became my world
i knew to be home before the street lights awoke
the sky was now a blended contrast of colors
the sun began to set
but wait! there was one thing i haven't done
one thing i haven't played on yet
i joyfully sprinted to the see-saw
knowing this would top the run back home
i sat down and realized there was no balance
all this time i had been playing all alone
i became angry at this man
and was timid to go back out and play
until one morning a friend came by and took my hand
never looking back to the playground
recess was now in the promise land
i am no longer angry as my granny tucks me into bed
i fall into a field of playful dreams
swimming in rivers of candies' sweetness
climbing mountains of my favorite icecreams
i play in the mind of another man
they call him Jesus Christ
mommy says i can come home only when i need rest
because this place knows nothing of night and street lights

You Survived

Silent tears drops around the rim of the glass
Another closed casket of a best friend
Another back of another man in distant view
fairytales for real, reality for pretend
I sit and I look outside the window
watching each and every person that passes my way
Which one do I help save today
I have overcome that which at the time i couldn't accomplish
Although i cry and the tears fall upon my glass
I am happy to have broke free
I refuse to be dead weight
relying on everything else to hold me up
I refuse to live my life in defeat
for no man will I crawl

The Poet's Mission

Deceitful actions,
hurtful lies,
mindless thinkin,
waste of time,
able to save others
but herself..
7 seconds from being a whisper in the dark
rest in peace my soldier, my sister
but you wouldn't know how much this woman is dying
but you wouldn't know how much this woman had been crying
you won't see her many lines of worry
or the dark circles from sleep deprivation
but you'll always see her concentration
yearning for the penetration that will exceed to an ejaculation
to the depths of her mind
craving for stimulation to create a climax of a lyrical manifestation
that will impregnate a life
that will be her escape
when those who surround her claim her fate
this extravaganza will slide chills up and down her spine
her world in eternal bliss
from the knowledge this woman will possess
the rain will come down jus to kiss her lips
the sun will massage her body with warmth
like masculine hands dipped in enhancement oil
the wind will breeze it's fingers from her scalp to the tips of her hair
she'll straddle the clouds and ride into the sky
she'll feel so much comfort
like a lover holding her tight, staring into her starry eyes
lightning would halt its strike in the mist of her presence
thunder would vibrate the earth to acknowledge her presence
this supremeness at her request
will bless her with verbs, adjectives, clauses, vocabulary
conjunctions Webster hasn't heard of yet
who would thought ecstasy could flow through a poetic blood line
the cry out of others is not hard for her to find
so she ignores the afflictions of her flesh
the battle of her emotions
the cruelty of people
her well overflows, she pours out truth to heal their souls
persistently she loves this condition
to reach other's mind is the poet's mission